Geneva Show round up

Posted in Motorshows, News by Sniff Petrol on Thursday, March 7th, 2013

The hybrid hypercar war between LaFerrari and the McLaren P1 has been won by the Lamborghini Veneno which unexpectedly showed its hybrid capability by turning from a car into a massive robot and destroying its rivals with a laser gun. It was later found out the back of the exhibition centre chatting up a 128kw emergency generator.

Rolls-Royce announced its new Ghost-based coupe, the Wraith, along with an explanation of the name; ‘Historically, a wraith is a kind of vulgar apparition,’ said a spokesman. ‘And it has a slightly odd arse.’

AMG has announced plans for 30 new models over the next four years. This unprecedented expansion means that by 2017 every car Mercedes sells will be an AMG. Financial experts are already advising investors to move their money into tyres and traction control light bulbs.

Just two months after creating 800 jobs at its Solihull plant, Land Rover used the Geneva Motoring Show to announce it is looking for another 700 people to work at its new engine factory in the West Midlands. ‘This is an extraordinary announcement,’ said automotive maths expert Professor Ken Freeply of Nigel Havers College, Kettering. ‘According to my extrapolations, at this rate by 2030 everyone in Britain will work for Land Rover. And if the expansion continues at the current rate, the government will have to relax immigration laws just to allow in enough people to satisfy Land Rover’s voracious appetite for employees.’ Prof. Freeply later denied that his calculations were ‘shit’.

After receiving criticism from the British media for naming its new small concept car the Provo, Kia has admitted its mistake and changed the name of the car to the L-Qaeda. ‘What?’ said a spokesman, indignantly.

Honda showed off the Civic Tourer though a spokesman was quick to point out that it is absolutely not a production car, no siree. ‘This is a concept,’ he said. ‘It’s a chance for our designers to run wild with crazy features such as a tax disc holder and prices that start at £19,860 on the road.’

Jaguar boss Adrian Hallmark-Cards justified the pricing of the forthcoming F-type sports car which many have called too expensive. ‘There is a good reason for these prices,’ Hallmark-Cards explained. ‘What we discovered is that many of our customers have quite a lot of money and we decided it might be nice to take it off them in exchange for a car. So, what we did was look at the cost of developing and making F-type, divided that across the number we plan to make and then added an amount on top which we’re calling a ‘profit’. It’s a new strategy for Jaguar but one which we think might work.’

Finally, Porsche showed off the new 911 GT3 which features a 468bhp 3.8-litre engine, a PDK twin-clutch gearbox, a brand new four-wheel steer system and a lightweight pot of lube in the glovebox to make life easier for car journalists when they test drive it.

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