Nico Hulkenberg has confounded conflicting rumours that he would join Lotus, Force India, Williams or even Ferrari by accidentally signing for all four of them.
‘I don’t know what happened,’ the German driver admitted. ‘You know, people are always putting things in front of me to sign. To be honest, I stopped concentrating a long time ago. Only last month I accidentally signed a table, a spaniel and one of my own legs. So, for sure, it is no surprise that yesterday I accidentally signed completely watertight and legally binding contracts to drive for four different Formula 1 teams in 2014.’
Sources close to Hulkenberg say the under-rated racer is keen to dodge further embarrassment and is now working on a system to avoid letting down his multiple paymasters.
‘Nico is developing a sort of rota,’ confirmed manager Heinz Beenz. ‘So he will qualify, say, the Ferrari and then quickly run down the pit lane and jump in the Lotus and do a qualifying run for them, and so on. Whichever car he gets highest up the grid is the one he will drive on the Sunday and he will tow the other cars behind him.’
Although Hulkenberg’s plan is likely to be extremely tiring and presents a high risk of other cars getting tangled in his complex system of towing cables, the German racer remains upbeat about his contractual over-subscription. ‘Hey, it could be worse,’ he concluded cheerfully. ‘I could have accidentally signed for McLaren.’