‘Yes we have no prices’ admits Citroen

Posted in From the archives by Sniff Petrol on Friday, August 15th, 2014

Some Citroen advertising, yesterday

Some Citroen advertising, yesterday

In a shock move this week Citroen has been forced to admit that its cars actually have no prices at all.

The surprise announcement came after a customer tried to buy a special edition Saxo Plastique (Cashback £4995) and asked their dealer for a price list. Red faced Double Chevron officials finally conceded that nobody had tried to pay full whack for a Citroen in living memory. “Our policy has been to just try and flog as many as possible and bugger the second hand values,” said a Citroen UK spokesman. “And at these prices you can just throw them away and start again.”

Citroen cashback offers have now been running for seventeen years, which is quite a long time according to experts. “We haven’t printed any new lists for a good while now,” our spokesman confessed. “Somebody found one for an Ami 8 behind a filing cabinet, but we don’t sell that anymore do we?”

Citroen insists it will soon be back as a prestige name and will stop throwing cash back at customers like “quite expensive confetti”. Failing that, spies say the company may simply adopt a barter-based system under which buyers could, for example, offer a horse, two mountain bikes, a first born child and a really nice watch in return for a C5 2.2 Hdi Exclusive SE estate.

This story was originally published in April 2002

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