Trump to ban European cars

Posted in News by Sniff Petrol on Monday, January 30th, 2017

Trump, yesterday

President Donald Trump is poised to sign an executive order banning European cars from landing on US soil in a move the White House says will ‘prevent them from running down US citizens’.

‘Only last week, a car ran down an American outside a drug store in Houston, Texas. I grant you, the car was not made in Europe, but this is the kind of thing that stops now. Period,’ explained a spokesman for the shit-haired piss-enthusiast. ‘And you can tell I’m one of those witless asshats who tries to sound no-nonsense because I say period at the end of sentences as if that makes them more weighty. Period.’

Generalissimo Trump’s new order is bad news for the thousands of European-made cars currently on ships heading for the United States which may now have to turn round in a move that White House sources say will ‘guarantee the safety of millions of Americans by allowing them to cross streets without looking’.

‘I have in my hand a piece of paper,’ said British Prime Minister Theresa May, returning from a meeting with Mr Trump by getting off a propeller-engined aeroplane in black and white.

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