McLaren being ‘de-Ronned’

Posted in Motorsport, News by Sniff Petrol on Wednesday, February 8th, 2017

Ron Dennis, yesterday

With confirmation this week that Jost Capito has been ousted from his role at McLaren, new boss Zak Brown continues in his quest turn around the ailing F1 team with a programme known as ‘de-Ronning’.

Brown’s other measures to ‘de-Ron’ the team are said to include a policy of leaving some battered old shoes and a pile of dirty laundry by the door in the reception area, just next to the very worn chairs and a wonky table bearing some old magazines, many of which are missing the cover and are not in chronological order.

‘Since Zak took over, the menu in the staff canteen has changed too,’ admitted one insider. ‘Now, the only things they serve are croissants, jam doughnuts and Cadbury’s Flakes. And we have to eat them at our desks. Without using a plate.’

Another source reveals that staff are now encouraged to ‘leave fingerprints’, ‘spill things’ and ‘accidentally walk dog shit’ into the factory.

The final part of Brown’s ‘de-Ron’ policy is a strict instruction for all team personnel to use one word to describe something instead of five, one of which isn’t really a word, and a radical new plan to stop torturing Fernando Alonso with a terrible F1 car.

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