To the outside world, the shape of this car may slip like a subdued symphony down the languid lanes, but inside I can tell you that I am having more fun than a boisterous bull in the world’s biggest china shop, spearing and swooping across sinew and scallop as I pedal post haste towards Corby. The fit and focussed carriage for this all-out assault on the East face of England is a rare and unusual treat best summed up by three preened but potent syllables – Magentis.
Yes, my sword for this slice through challenging blacktop is the facelifted version of Kia’s capable mid-ranger, re-nosed, re-honed and reacting well to all I am demanding of it. The 2-litre diesel engine pulls like a train full of carthorses, allowing me to work the six-speed gearbox like a Victorian orphan, knowing that I have a belt ‘n’ braces set of brakes taking care of business at the other end of the G-force spectrum.
Better yet, this often overlooked product of a glittering Korea has a classy chassis that loves to dance. Pile into corners hard and feel it key into the road, tyres biting, suspension soft yet taut like the breasts of a lapdancer. I stared this car in the face and not once did it flinch. Only as I crossed its ample limits did the tail step out. All at once I gave it a dab of oppo and I was away.
The Kia Magentis 2.0 CRDi is a bitch. And I spanked it.
Troy Queef is Executive Associate Editor-at-large for DAB OF OPPO magazine