Troy Queef


troyqueef.jpgThe rev counter nestles in the upper quadrant of its range, harmlessly headbutting red paint with ever sturdy shove of my shoe upon the business pedal. Occasionally it slinks away from its new friends at the top end of the register, momentarily recoiling on the cue of another upshift then all at once making a lunge for the line as brake meets toe and the throttle again feels heel, another downchange timed to perfection and slotted home like a searingly hot scalpel slung into a butter factory.

To the outside world, the shape of this car may slip like a subdued symphony down the languid lanes, but inside I can tell you that I am having more fun than a boisterous bull in the world’s biggest china shop, spearing and swooping across sinew and scallop as I pedal post haste towards Corby. The fit and focussed carriage for this all-out assault on the East face of England is a rare and unusual treat best summed up by three preened but potent syllables – Magentis.

Yes, my sword for this slice through challenging blacktop is the facelifted version of Kia’s capable mid-ranger, re-nosed, re-honed and reacting well to all I am demanding of it. The 2-litre diesel engine pulls like a train full of carthorses, allowing me to work the six-speed gearbox like a Victorian orphan, knowing that I have a belt ‘n’ braces set of brakes taking care of business at the other end of the G-force spectrum.

Better yet, this often overlooked product of a glittering Korea has a classy chassis that loves to dance. Pile into corners hard and feel it key into the road, tyres biting, suspension soft yet taut like the breasts of a lapdancer. I stared this car in the face and not once did it flinch. Only as I crossed its ample limits did the tail step out. All at once I gave it a dab of oppo and I was away.

The Kia Magentis 2.0 CRDi is a bitch. And I spanked it.

Troy Queef is Executive Associate Editor-at-large for DAB OF OPPO magazine