Which racing driver, past or present, would you want on your side in a fight, and why?
Adrian Sutil. Experience counts, dunnit?
Got to choose James Hunt, although Eddie Irvine is a close second.
Matt Neal. Big, ugly and has form for twatting Jason Plato. What’s not to like?
I bet Kimi knows his way around bar fights, or James Hunt.
I’d have mansell or Jackie Stewart.
Keke Rosberg. He doesn’t suffer fools.
Yeah, this is the sort of opportunity where you could kind of make the sort of articles which might obviously lead to these typical sort of jokes. And that’s what it’s all about.
Another vote for Sutil, assuming there’s glassware to hand.
Coulthard. Good for chinning people!
Ben Hur. Am I showing my age?
Bertrand Gachot. Unless we need to get a taxi after.
Reason – Bertrand can incapacitate them whilst I run away and hide.
I feel like Jacques Villeneuve would be a great choice, but I can’t figure out why…
Machine Gun Joe Viterbo.
I’d have Villeneuve on my side, so I could run away and leave the dickhead stranded.
Actually, no screw that. He’d recover and bitch about it to a second rate auto magazine a year later.
Jacques Villeneuve. Who would hit you if you’re stood next to him?
John Cleland please. I hope we are fighting Soper.
Taki Inoue – good at hitting things and can take a hit too!
Got to be Pastor Maldonado, looks like he could kill anyone at any moment
Niki “You f*cking want some?” Lauda.
I’d have Paul Tracey seem to remember he ended up having mild skirmishes with Alex Tagliani and Sebastian Bourdais at consecutive races about 5-6 years ago!
Eddie Irvine. Knows his way around a bar, has form for it.
Kimi and James… no need to fight. Cause we’ve already won. So lets drink!
Senna. He would only stop if killed and if things got really hairy he would resort to anything to make sure we would win.
Drift king and ninja assassin, keiichi tsuchiya.
Piquet – proven brawler and not afraid to punch a crash helmet
Niki Lauda – COCKING KNOBFLAPS
Graham Hill. He always struck me as the sort of person who wouldn’t hesitate to reach for the broken bottle if things got hairy.
Juan “Ginsters” Montoya, as I could use him as an effective human shield.
And if it all got too much, I could probably run away faster than him.
Bernie Ecclestone. So I could pile in too.
I’m pretty sure I recall Barry McGuigan had a crack at the Willhire 24hr one year. Can I choose him?
Woolf Barnato surely. Not only did he win Le Mans 3 times, he actually was an amateur boxer. A Captain in the army and later a Wing-Commander in the RAF. More importantly, he was part of Rik Mayall’s inspiration for Lord Flashheart, which should be ample qualification on its own.
Nicolas Minassian, I remember him beating the shit out of some poor guy who had passed him at Thruxton.
Oooh. I like the Woolf Barnato answer the most so far.
Woolf Barnato’s mother was called Fanny Bees.
Graham Hill. The Terry-Thomas of racing drivers would employ extreme cunning to make short work of all and any cads, bounders, footpads and rapscallions that might fancy their chances. Then he’d throw one hell of a party.
Not only his mother with a spectacular name. Wikipedia tells me that Woolf Barnato’s father was called Barney Barnato. As such, there was really only one way they could go with a name for their son that would top their own (although, disappointingly, it turns out his real first name was Joel).
Lewis Hamilton’s got a black belt in karate, but when you need him he’ll have fucked off out of the back door.
Tony Stewart, the world’s fattest and least able to fly racing driver. He could immobilise your opponent just by sitting on him. And run him over if he tried to escape.
Takuma Sato, you could rely on to crash into your opponent (deliberately maybe but more likely by mistake) this bringing an end to the fight before it even started. If Takuma isn’t available then Tony Stewart would suffice!
Martin Schanche. Tried to stop a rallycross race by standing on the start/finish straight after he was punted off. If he can fight a flat out 6r4, hed be on my team
Foilan Gonzales. Just take a look at a photo of him.Nick-named the Pampas Bull. Him and Gerry Marshall should sort out riffraff for you.
Although he has limited racing experience can i put forward Richard Hammond?
Definitely Sir Jackie Stewart. His trousers will blind our opponents, ye ken.
Bernie – as with Villeneuve, no-one would hit you with the opportunity to hit them next to you and then Bernie could make another advert with his bruises afterwards…
Alan Jones. Do you really need a reason?
Colin Chapman. Well known for starting fights with the French police when disqualified at Le Mans. If an unarmed shortarse thought nothing of punshing a 6ft copper with a gun, he’d have no problem with the average pub pisshead.
Tazio Nuvolari – one of those little wiry psychos who are always really scary in pubs; you know from the stare that you’ll have to actually kill them to make them stop because they don’t ever, EVER give up
Tom Walkinshaw brick outhouse who you suspect would not be beaten easily. Highly likely to cheat to win as well…
(Frank) Bruno Senna. Know what I mean, Simon?
Danica Patrick. In a bikini of some sort. A classy one mind, none of your cheap market tat
My mate big Ron, as he is big and has a name that sounds like Don
Danica Patrick: In a bikini of some sort. A cheap one mind, none of your classy stuff, stick to the gear,
Obviously Max Mosley. Known to be good at taking pain and would then pursue the other people through the court for years to come.
(in fact I was in a fight with Max but its now been removed from google’s searches, so another reason to chose Max)
Danica Patrick, in no bikini of any sort. Or anything else.
Mark Webber. Just tell him the assailants are all Sebastian Vettel and they’ve pinched his orange juice
I would love to kick three colors of shit out of Felipe Massa.
Nelson Piquet (see Salazar)
I reckon John Cleland could be pretty handy
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