If you broke into the Red Bull F1 factory, what would you do?
“Daily Mail: Top Gear executive encourages people to BREAK IN to Red Bull F1 factory”
What would I do if I broke into the Red Bull premises? Well, you can’t really go past a spontaneously-combusting bag of pooh with the words “Regret not signing me now, bitches!?”, signed with the initials ‘JEV’ , can’t you?
Alter some of Adrian’s drawings with a big cock to see if it makes it onto the car.
I would leave the plastic Santander trophies though.
I’d leave some razors lying about, and a ZZ TOP CD in the stereo!
I’d start by drinking all the cans of Red Bull lying around then find the wind tunnel to see if it does give you wings*
(*According to a US court, it doesn’t)
Have some fun in both the wind tunnel and the simulator. Maybe even put the simulator in the wind tunnel to recreate this?
Firstly, i’d go to the canteen and drink loads of red bull. As this would give me energy and a ready made excuse for breaking in. Then I would probably have a mooch through Christian Horners desk, especially for any ‘home photos’ and the like, then i would go and bend a front wing to see how bendy it is, lastly i would go to the sationary cupboard and steal 4 staplers, loads of post it notes, pencils and the like and leave them in Neweys office…. because he looks shifty sometimes.
I’d take the wings because apparently they give you some without the need to steal them.
If I ever met the oxygen thieves who took the trophies, I’d shove the Monaco winners one right up where their sun don’t shine – “tight into Rascasse” would have a whole new meaning.
Leave a note “Congratulations Christian. She probably won’t sod off with an Ecuadorian fitness instructor in 5 years time. It’ll be fine.”
Donuts in the foyer.
I assume in the factory they have a lot of RB cans, but they must be filled with water instead of the piss drink. So what I would do is replace the water with actual Red Bull to anger all the workers.
What do you mean “if”?
I would dose the cans of Red Bull with Wind-eze (other products available) & then they can rightly use the slogan Red Bull gives you winds… This would save significantly on their cost of rebranding as it only requires the changing of one letter & so they can buy some new pretty cups for their cupboards
I’d stick a dossier full of Ferrari engine details in their technical department. Red Bull might feel sorry for them and help them out a bit.
If I broke into the Red Bull offices, I’d put back all the trophies.
They’re proving to be a right pain to sell on eBay.
I’d leave 21 mugs of Mulled Tea on Horner’s desk
I’d look for all the toys Vettel threw out of his pram and give them to my kids for Xmas.
Something about Maldonado, probably. Do I win £5?
Plunged to a Formula 1 car on a tow truck and drove to a track – no joke, and if you need to think seriously
I’d change the factory music system to Radio Three. I’d then find the drawings for Newey’s heavily modded GT40 race car and send them to the HSCC and ask them to consider if they still think his car is legitimate!
Go into Mr Horners office and find the drivers contracts.
Rub out KVYAT and write Maldonado.
Watch the madness unfold in 2015
Edit AutoCorrect on all PCs so that ‘Sebastian’ is changed to ‘that twat’, ‘Kyvat’ to ‘Ricciardo’ (and vice-versa) and ‘Maldonado’ to ‘Frank Spencer’.
G’day! I’d try to find the cup I left my orange squash in as it wasn’t in any of the ones I nicked last week.
I’d swap the drinks in the vending machine for cans Mountain Dew.
I’d leave a note asking them if they’d swap Adrian Newey for a hirsute, monobrowed Iberian gentleman who comes complete with his own plastic samurai sword.
I’d have stolen the security guards chair – more value in that than the trophies. You go to all of the effort of breaking into an F1 factory and steal the least expensive things in the place. It has to be a candidate for worst theft of the decade. Somebody should have told them what a single brake disc costs…
It was Mike Coughlan, trying to “donate” a photocopied drawings booklet.
Have my head examined.
I’d take the power units out of the cars and replace them with 2.4 litre V8’s , Oh really ? OK I’d go to Christian’s office as well and look for some pictures of his Mrs on holiday that he hides in the unmarked file .
I think I would steal Christian’s spare underwear that he keeps in his office in case of emergencies. It’s not something I would actually want and would probably throw them into a bush on the way home but I think the effect would be entertaining. They broke into my factory and only stole my pants? Nothing else? Why would they do that? The questions would keep coming. He’d start losing sleep. All next season he’d be looking at a screen trying to make sense of why they were losing time in the 3rd segment unable to concentrate because he’s still want to know why his pants went missing. I think watching a team principal being driven mad over the course of a season would inject some much needed intrigue into F1.
That’s the file with a picture of a ginger cow on it? Oh hang on, I mean red bull. Sorry.
I’d swap all of their metric spanners and socket sets for imperial ones, then sit back and watch the chaos unfold.
Replace all the exterior signs with giant Volkswagen F1 ones and invite Maldonado, Briatore and as many paps as I could get hold, before sitting back and watching social media slowly implode.
I’d make my way to the secret underground lair where Mr Halliwell and his Chief Minion Newey have been planning global domination for the last 5 years.
I’d then retrieve the cannister containing “Vettel Mojo” and retore it to the cheeky little German chappie to help him win next year with the Dancing Horses.
I’ve tried everything else to restore the Red Italian team to a Championship and it’s cost me a sodding fortune….it would have been cheaper going to prison…
Leave cans of Monster Energy all over the damn place
I’d check really, really carefully for ginger pubes before sitting on or in anything.
I’d look for the magnums…
I would break into ALL F1 team sheds and replace ALL their stupid little engines with MASSIVE V8s.
Hang around till morning then slap them really hard for suggesting everyone else could leave F1 so they can be assured of victory. Oh and actually breaking the rules rather than (literally) bending them
Leave my CV and cover letter with the HR department.
Replace all branding with pictures of nice pieces of fruit.
Have just realised I shouldn’t have used my real name for the first comment I made on this thread.
Please disregard everything you’ve seen here, and carry on. Thanks.
PS: I’m after a front bumper and nearside wing for an ML320 CDI. Ideally in silver, but any colour will do for the right price.
Go into the locker room and change the names on the driver lockers to Maldonado and Kobayashi…sit back and watch the panic!
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