If you had to buy one F1 driver a Christmas present, who would it be and what would you get them?
Pastor Maldonado – a block of 10 driving lessons.
Several truckloads of land, a gross of hessian sacks, several robust shovels and some army surplus tin helmets for McLaren – they’ll come in very handy for when Fred starts throwing his pram (with toys therein) around.
Hope someone buys me a typing course for Xmas………
Max Chilton – A make over day, before people realise he is a younger version of Captain Blue from Spectrum
A hookey copy of the ‘BBC Sports Personality Of The Year’ award for Jenson Button. JB was far more deserving than Ryan Giggs in 2009 and the Ham this year.
Kimi Raikkonen – some of Ben & Jerry’s finest.
For Lewis Hamtilon – The acceptance that going bald is OK, and no-one will say anything nasty.
Fernando – an electric eyebrow trimmer.
Fernando Alonso – a bloody razor!
Kevin Magnussen – a copy of the upcoming F1 2015 video game
Toro Rosso team (not a driver, but the items should be used on them) – pacifiers and baby bottles
A German-Italian children’s dictionary for Vettel.
“It notta faira hea faster thanna mia, encore”
With the exception of Felipe, Kimi, Max Chilton, and Max Verstappen (who’s too young to need one), can I buy every driver a decent razor?
For Lewis Hamilton – a personality transplant.
For all the annoying “C’Mon Lewis” fans – a brain transplant.
A taxi for Bernie.
A new team for Nico…He can’t live with the Ham…
I’d by something for JEV, which had the words “No Batteries Required” written on the box
For Kevin Magnussen – A shovel so he can dig his career out of the hole it is now in thanks to McLaren.
Copy of Machiavelli’s “The Prince” for Seb Vettel. He will need it to succeed at Ferrari.
I’d buy Esteban Gutierrez a guide living on the Isle of Obscurity.
One Bottom Lip Support – for Rosberg after getting his behind handed to him during the 2014 season
some pace for Felipe Massa
A shut up Ron T-shirt for Jenson
An I’m not even the fastest driver in my family T-shirt for Carlos Sainz Jnr
I’d get Jules and Michael a miracle recovery each…
I’d buy Jenson Button a waiting room.
Whaddya mean, that joke’s out of date?!?
For pastor Maldonado a drive in BTTC.
He’d fit right in!!
Noise cancelling headphones for Lewis, to be used at home. Or some socks.
Not really an answer to the question asked but I’d buy McLaren a ‘Magic 8 Ball’ to aid their decision making process
Myself – a world championship
Lewis – a ripped up Mercedes contract
Max Chilton – a better car
Kevin – a drive
Funnily enough, a McLaren magic 8 ball will feature in Sniff Petrol’s forthcoming Christmas gift guide.
Sir Stirling Moss – a World Championship
A large wheelbarrow for Fernando Alonso, so that he can take he his ego with him wherever he goes.
An ‘Airfix’ model (other plastic self assembly models are available) of the drivers world championship trophy for Nico…it will give him something to do assembling it over the winter.
a pair of those Tom Cruise ‘lift up’ shoes for Felipe Massa so that he does not look like a midget.
One way ticket to Caracas for Maldonado
“Don’t worry be happy” single for Grosjean
a copy of “Introduction to Social media marketing” for Bernie Ecclestone
a bus for Arrivabene, so he has something to throw his engineers under after a disappointing 2015 campaign.
Lewis Hamilton – A book with blank pages and the title on the cover “Photos of Men who look good with Diamond EarStuds”
Can I give Ferrari Seb Vettel, that would be really funn.. Oh nvm that’s my Chrissy present sorted
A course of driving lessons at BSM for Maldonado?
Oh poo. Somebody’s already done that unfunny gag. In which case..
A Gillette shaving gift set for just about any of the scruffy twats on the grid.
And lets hope Suzie Wolff doesn’t suddenly get a drive later today, because this gag is suddenly going to seem unreasonably sexist 🙂
A copy of “How to win friends & influence people” for Mr. Ecclestone.
I resisted the urge to put “free ticket to Dignitas”…. oh damn.
Personally I’d get all the drivers one of those excellent coffee-table books by a hugely-impressive author. Someone like Richard Porter, I reckon.
(PS, you can give me one of your free pens if you like).
I would buy Vettel as teachers and 100 hours of training ride on the car at Monza
In general, I would have bought you that at least one season of Top Gear filmed in Ukraine and a place for filming would Arena Lviv
This would be the best gift for Christmas it yourself we have already January 6
A condolences card for Kev
Pretty sure that Maldonado would be a legendary driver if he could see where he was going so I’d get him a hedge trimmer for his tribrow.
I’d buy Ericsson a set of braces.
For Felipe Massa and Felipe Nasr, T-shirts with their names on them.
Invaluable for post race interviews with Eddie
A bottle of Tixylix for JB?
Sebastian Vettel – A decent helmet design so he’d stop bloody changing it!
Also I’d get Sutil a present, because everyone else would have forgotten to get him something.
Maybe a novelty hat to make him slightly more interesting to look at while he’s being so mind numbingly boring.
A nose job for Danny Riccy.
For Seb : Success Factors: 92 Affirmations For Learning The Success Skills That Will Take You From Failure To Success by
For Ferrari : A constructors trophy
For myself : a copy of Monopoly with all the chance cards replaced with get out of jail free cards
For Lewis : elocution lessons to help him over his mock California/West Coast Gangsta accent
For Philipe : a pair of flip flops. I’m pissed off with being the shortest person in the paddock
A coffin, for when he hopefully emulates his hero.
I would buy Kobayashi the new front wing that had made his teammates (Eri/Ste) 1.5s faster since Suzuka.
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Top team in terrible tactical twat-up
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