As Nissan shows off a glow-in-the-dark Leaf, what car paint technology would you like to see?
Paint that changes colour to indicate the level of twat-like behaviour the driver has displayed over the previous 12 hours or whatever of driving.
Maybe the palest of washout green for the safest/most considerate pilot of an immaculate SAAB – through to deep red for the full-on bellend Audi tailgating/cutting-up helmsmith?
Paint that repels people who can’t park their bloody cars.
I’d like invisibility paint-be just like riding my Motorbike!
A drab silver-grey, which should be made compulsory for German executive saloons.
Oh, hang on…
Paint that bursts into flame above a certain speed. Like, not harmful flames. Cool-looking flames.
Id like to invent a red colour, maybe call it ‘Mars Red’ that over time gently fades and develops a chalky like texture… Customers need that…
Explosive reactive paint. So that when some twat “accidentally” bumps your car he is blown to smithereens.
A glow in the dark car????
TAKE MY MONEY NOW!!!!!
Flip Flop green/purple or piss yellow/blue as used on TVR’s applied to drab hatchbacks. Well it worked well for Rover and Nissan!
Free metallic paint, you tightwad bastard manufacturers.
Metallic Tartan might be nice, then again, it might not.
How about a random colour generator?
Downside – might take ages to find your motor in a car park
Upside – you may bump into Jason Plato
That insipid blue they used on invalid carriages. To be compulsory on 2.0 diesels in S-Line/M-Sport/AMG Line specs.
I’d like to see all cars be painted the colour of money, to there true net worth.
That way I can work out who can afford to park near my helipad and my Formula 1 VIP paddock and which lowlife chancing scrote should have their car towed away and crushed.
The wealthiest car owners will find their cars give off a platinum sheen with an underlying tone of newly minted 500 euros.
Whilst the poorest car owners will find their cars emit a dull hue of dog shite complemented by DSS cheque blue.
Paint that is visible to hedgehogs, frogs, foxes and all those poor little critters in all conditions.
How about technology to cover up those beautiful curves when the bitch is out of the garage (like the swirly things on test cars)? This can be switched off when in the garage so only I can see the curvy lines and not the infidels.
An entirely frictionless, light absorbing coating of zero specific mass. Should be fairly easy for the lab coats to knock up and the first decent stab at introducing technology to the crayon box.
As its frictionless Bugatti will buy it to save the billions it was spending on developing the extra 126.724 BHP needed to raise the Veyron speed record 3.1 MPH for its second to last farewell version, before releasing details of the “secret” farewell version, the “really – honestly this is the last” and finally the “even more hurrah’s than a Zonda” special edition.
Its light absorbing properties mean that Speed camera’s wont work, forcing the government to re-think its revenue strategy from the east target silent majority – or motorists as they call them. A significant spin off from this feature would be that Porsche would be able to convince people they had a new 911 design as the paying public wouldn’t be able to see it.
Paint that changes with whatever drive mode is selected. Only because when I’m on business trips and using eco pro to eke out my mileage claim, the car could turn blue and inform everyone I don’t usually pootle about like a pansy…
Self Healing Paint.
When the paintwork is scratched or damaged, the material splits and the four-member oxetane rings open to create two reactive ends. With the introduction of UV light chain scission occurs in the chitosan, which cross-links with the reactive ends of the oxetane and thus repairs the molecular network. A small scratch will heal in less than 30 minutes. Sunlight is the ideal trigger, so any time your car needs a re-spray, just take it out for a drive!
Our intensive, synergistic, holistic and symbiotic investigative analyses have conjecturally identified a self-adhering, pigmented, oil based, polymerised liquid of variable viscosity which our targeted, demographically-focused, keyword intensive marketing initiative indicatives may be possessed of some degree of utility as a vehicular surface applicant.
What do you mean it’s already been invented? Oh, bollocks. Not again…
Changin colours init. By the time I get home wiv the tellys nobody can know its me.
Gordon wrote on 17 February 2015 at 2:49 pm
“That insipid blue they used on invalid carriages. To be compulsory on 2.0 diesels in S-Line/M-Sport/AMG Line specs.”
BMW Call that Yas Marina Blue on their M3 (they used to call it Laguna Seca Blue but added a few micro-grammes of some other colour for the newer model)
Carroll wrote: 17 February 2015 at 9:01 am
Carroll, great thinking there, can I suggest a two tone paint set up, the top half could reflect the ‘current’ driving behaviour and the bottom half the level of general state of twatiness. From this you could gauge how much you really want to despise them, going from the “oh he’s having an off day” to ‘look there goes a total TWAT!”
I second that notion…
…if only to witness the spectacle of every second car on the road sporting something that resembles the height of automotive fashion circa the 1970s.
Mine would be pure white, all the time 😉
It has to be SniffPetrol orange!
Yeah, this question is all well and good but I think we should all really be focussing on what sort of punishment people with misaligned headlights should suffer.
Magnetic paint which rather than attracting the twat driving an Audi/white van who insists on tailgating you, it would repel said vehicle.
You may accuse me of being a dreamer, an incorrigible fantasist even, but wouldn’t it be amazing if a car manufacturer were able to lay down a paint job that didn’t look like it had been done by their mate on a driveway of a council estate?
If I am handing over a goodly proportion of my annual income to Mercedes for one of their beautifully well built cars it would nice to have a paint job which an orange didn’t think was a bit orange peel-y.
Faux fur, perhaps.
How about a product that is dry while driving and wet when stationary, that way when some idiot scrapes up against you in the supermarket / services / shopping centre it wont take long to find out who did it as their car will have a stripe of you’re colour (still wet) all over it & you can send the details to the ins straight away while you finish your coffee.
This may of course mean driving everywhere in old clothes.
Flashing dayglo orange for cars that sit in Lane 2 of 3-lane carriageways whilst not obeying Rule 138.
A late entry…
The VW “50 shades of grey” special edition Golf. Available, surprisingly, in 50 shades of the colour grey. “Ze veb site az koalapzed” said irony manager Helmut Zniffer “viz zu feeler freulien zigning on fur a kwik luck”
A scheme for the McLaren’s where it reflects the truth of what Ron Dennis is saying.
Black – I’ve got nothing to say, but it’ll take me 350 words to say that nothing.
Blue – I’ve not got a clue.
Yellow – I’ve nearly made up my mind
Orange – I know, but I’m not saying yet
Red – This is a total lie and I’ll contradict it within 2 days.
Green – This is the truth (untested option).
Whats with this camouflage livery Mr Christian Ginger-Spice is running his cars in?
It’s crap. I can can still see the car.
Need to get onto Charlie and Jean quick and get amendment to rule book.
Cars that wish to use camouflage livery to enable stealth mode when overtaking must actually be invisible.
Paint that can act as solar panels would be very cool, and not all that difficult to invent, I would imagine (says the man with absolutely no engineering experience whatsoever).
Especially useful for electric cars and hybrids, to extend their frankly pitiful range.
You might need to have the car in a sort of dark goldy browny sort of a colour, but that looks quite handsome on some BMWs.
In fact, I’m just off to patent the idea. Dragons’ Den, here we come!
All Vauxhalls should be painted to look like a turd. That should stop people wasting money on buying one.
Name should be changed to “Question of the month” since the last question was now 3 weeks ago.
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Top team in terrible tactical twat-up
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