What will be the most comical thing to happen at the Australian Grand Prix?
Fernando hanging-around almost anywhere other than the McLaren garage, pretending he isn’t driving for them this weekend – oh wait…
Button getting lapped, again and again and again …..
Giedo van der Garde driving a Sauber.
Pastor Maldonado finishing the race without twatting into something or someone.
Felipe Nasr finding dozens of venomous snakes in his cockpit
Felipes getting into the wrong cars
Alonso wandering around the Marussia garage dropping hints that he would be available to drive if they wanted him.
If Kevin Mags scores McLaren’s only win of the 2015 season
Nigel Mansell crashing in 1986
I miss-read the question. If anyone knows me, please punch me
Lewis Hamilton kicks off his ‘Rap’ ‘Career’ with a rendition of Daphne & Celeste’s ‘Ooh stick you’ in the post race interviews.
A fistfight between Bernie Ecclestone and Dame Edna over who is the oldest.
Marussia gaining any points… Ferrari not complaining about anything or anyone whatsoever… The entire SkyF1 team… Sir Bernard of Ecclestone being impossible to spot on the grid walk
Take your pick.
Both Force India’s breaking down letting Manor finish in the points.
The excuses for why the new rule stateing all non night races must start 4 hours before sunset, has been dropped before ever being enforced.
Clarkson wearing tighty whities on the grid walk. Then smacking EJ in the mouth!
The ‘we’re not bothered’ excuses from team bosses after their cars fail to make; it to the grid/off the grid/the first lap/first pit stop/ flag
Jeremy Clarkson making his McLaren debut after Kevin hands in a note from his mum excusing him from having to drive.
Sebastian Vettel getting Pole, Fastest Lap and No.1 spot on the podium.
McLaren fitting one of those ‘1970s’ anti static rubber strips to the back of their car…. for no reason obviously whatsoever.
Giedo van der Garde
In the Sauber garage
With the full-size cardboard cutout of Monisha Kaltenborn.
Two drivers being squeezed into one Sauber…… whaever happened to those tandem F1 cars???
McLaren outside the 107% rule
Hearing Ron Dennis say that Alonso was definitely not hurt in his crash which is why he was in hospital for three days and not racing two weeks later.Nope. Not hurt at all. We believe you Ron.
Castlemaine Lager (remember that?) becomes cool again.
The Taxi sign above one of the Sauber’s saying “off hire”
Sebastian Vettel wearing L plates on his car
Countless people speaking into microphones pretending that this sorry charade is in any way interesting or exciting.
FIA declaring a historic LeMans start for VdG/Nasr. Whoever gets to the car first gets to drive…
is there a prize for the correct answer?
Mercedes 1-2 by 20 seconds, is it 2014 already?
The revelation that Eddie Jordan’s “hair” is actually sourced from the cuttings of Suzi Perry’s lady garden.
@ Flappie – prize for the correct answer is a drive with Sauber in Malaysia.
Bernie announces a late boost to the grid numbers, Webber pulls up in his personal ‘Ute full of larger and a bottle of sherry for the shelias…
Sauber to bring back the “Le Mans” start procedure, pitting their three drivers against each other as the lights go out in Melbourne.
Fastest two runners get the drive. Simple as that.
Giedo vd Garde is revealed to be a handle for one F Alonso wearing an eyebrow wig and a false nose.
Jenson Button wins after driving the race backwards owing to a badly mounted gearbOx. This leads to the discovery that Ron put the car in the wind tunnel the wrong way round.
Sebastian Vettel’s pet ferret gets sucked into the air intake During Q1. The car is instantly fifteen hundredths faster. Ferrets are declared extinct in Australia on the following Monday.
Sauber, unable to choose between their three contracted drivers, opt to take the fairest route and shun all of them and employ the services of two more experienced drivers.
Shortly afterwards, they announce their new lineup of Taki Inoue and Rubens Barrichello. And then, due to a contractual oversight, Ralf Schumacher also.
A team spokesperson comments with “Oh s**t not again…”
Dani Smiley Smiley Ricciardo leads from lap one before retiring on the penultimate lap, crushing the hopes and dreams of an entire nation.
Max Verstappen is hospitalized after sustaining a nasty neck injury while trying to prove to the rest of the drivers he does know how to shave.
Fernando Alonso is refused entry through the turnstile as they already bizarrely have let 21 drivers into the pit lane.
The revelation that Fernando Alonso and Carlos Sainz Jn are actually the same person, hence why Fernando cant drive for Mclaren
Sauber hire Jeremy Clarkson as head of security to deal with the Australian Court Bailiffs, using the employment contract they keep downloading from that free website.
They then find out that it has a “hot dinner” clause in it, but that their chef has been repossessed by the bailiffs.
A streaker on the track around lap 11 only to be wrestled to the ground by Bernie Ecclestone on lap 14
The podium. It’ll go something like this:
Merc lockout of the top steps with both drivers wearing forced smiles and trying to hide the daggers. D-Ric takes third and looks happier than the Merc team and the entire country from which the victorious driver hails. D-Ric opens race suit to reveal an “I am the Stig’s Australian cousin” t-shirt then moons the Merc boys.
Crazy D does the post-award interviews and emerges from stage right. Somehow Seb has managed to sneak onto the podium, ambushes him and pours a bottle of cold piss (Fosters will do in a pinch) down the tighty-whiteys before running off shouting “if you think you got a nasty taunting this time, you ain’t seen nothin’…”
In other news, we finally find out that Bernie is an advanced animatronic modification of the real Ecclestone’s corpse which has been bereft of life for a decade. This only becomes apparent when its bottom jaw falls off on the grid and nobody notices until Maldonado runs over it, buggers up his front suspension and takes four other cars off trying to get back to the pits – which he ultimately fails to do.
The rest of the race will be as dull as heavily-regulated, homogenised and uniform opacity ditchwater, sadly.
Continuing a long and proud history of Aussie comedians gate crashing press conferences
Well the correct answer was Toto Wolff doing the podium interviews
Dontcha just hate it, we came up with a bunch of great suggestions and then Mr Horner trumps us by throwing his toys well and truely out of his pram…… damn!
Well he needs room in the pram for when he becomes Mr Halliwell.
Jenson Button’s 1950’s womaniser moustache. When he was being interveiwed by Suzy Perry i half expected him to look straight at the camera and utter the phrase “ding dong”.
Comments are closed.
After losing its court case with Whyte bikes, the unbuyable palpitation piss seeks legally less dubious logo
Shooting simulator shows off retro racing round
28-year-old FREDDIE BULLIARD is the founder of the GAS DANDY website and magazine and merchandise empire. Here he talks to BROOKS TUFER of TIRETRACKS.COM