Which racing driver is most likely to get turned away from which event, and why?
Jacques Villeneuve. Because, well, he’s Jacques Villeneuve and therefore a ghastly cunt.
Pastor Maldonado…. Anywhere… For an incident in the car park.
Sir Stirling Moss, to be turned away from the World Conference on Women.
Taki Inoue from any “Tatra Owners Club” meeting because panels are expensive..
Max Mosley, refused attendance to a World War II re-enactment society meeting. For the wearing of the incorrect type of stockings and suspenders for the period.
Kimi Räikkönen from an AA meeting for handing out vodka to everyone.
Pastor Maldonado- he’ll crash it anyway
Eddie Jordan… From the plain English society meeting
Max Chilton from the “Arm crossing convention” due to his inability to perform the action successfully during F1 grid graphics…. Alonso would be the guest of honour.
Any “Celeb” that turns up at any F1 meeting who is suddenly a “Number 1 Race-Fan!!” of whoever gave them the freebie hospitality trip.
Nigel Mansell- unless it is a slumber party.
Jackie Stewart – Wimbledon – for wearing those ghastly tartan trousers, even if he does have a Jacket and tie.
Gerhard Berger from “Tourettes Sufferers Anonymous”… for bad language.
Lewis Hamilton from RuPaul’s DragCon. Although he has the 5 carat diamond earrings, refuses to go ‘full queen’ with 6 inch heels.
Taki Inoue for attempting to join a road safety meeting.
Christian Horner from the International Yes/No Game World Championships. Previous DQ for time wasting.
Nico, because he’s not as quick as Lewis.
Adrian Sutil from the opening of a new Pilkington Glass factory…
Bertrand Gachot from the London Cabbies Christmas do… (how do they all get home by the way?)
Jody Scheckter – Anger Management 101
Eliseo Salazar from a Muay Thai event. Nelson Piquet would be guest of honour.
If Max is refused entry to an event, he can just send the girls round to sort out the organisers.
Fernando Alonso from The Champion Ferrari Drivers Annual Dinner. It appears he’s not welcome at the McLaren one either….
Mark Webber from Wimbledon also, which happens to be sponsored by a major Squash manufacturer.
Gerhard Berger as the guest speaker at the annual dinner of The Polite Society.
Felipe Massa, from the Race of Champions.
Jason Plato / annual awards of the UK Board of Potatoes.
I hear he’s not keen.
Crazy Dave, from wimbledon because his pants, while white, are too tight!
Vettel, from Webber’s summer barbie…
Kimi from Speaker’s Corner.
Assuming having raced in Britcar qualifies someone as being a racing driver, Jeremy Clarkson is likely to be turned away from the BBC executives Christmas Dinner. This will be due to his lack of bow tie and no other reasons whatsoever. Ahem.
Roberto Mehri… from anything resembling a race involving motor cars after recent events.
James Hunt from any debutantes ball…
Driver: Eddie Irvine
Event: Competing in the Reno Balloon Race
Reason for ban: External assistance
a) Vittorio Brambilla
b) Chimpanzees’ tea party
c) Bad manners
Driver: Fernando Alonso and Jenson Button
Event: McLaren-Honda Christmas party
Reason for ban: Will not be on speaking terms by that time
Richard Porter, at a filming event located at an old airfield just outside of Dunsfold. It’s OK, he clearly never reads these things.
Sorry, I mean (Censored)
Felipe Massa – from Schools for taking kids and parading them around the F1 Grid
Kimi Raikkonen – from the Happy Society
Daniel Ricciardo – Banned from the free toothpaste giveaway event.
Sergio Perez – Banned from Formula One – END OF
Sterling Moss – The HSE Lift Safety Awards
Carlos Sainz – banned from the Citroen Factory Tour for confusing the French
Will Stevens – Banned from, WHO ?
Sir Jackie Stewart – Banned from Scotland for bring the country into Disrepute for constantly wearing Tartan
I would imagine Pastor Maldonado from the Euro NCAP tests, because of industrial action by the dummies.
Susie Wolff from the BRDC Christmas Dinner hosted by Sir Stirling Moss.
A woman? In motorsport!? Preposterous!!
Lewis Hamilton…..from anything. Purely because he’s a vile little arrogant c**t
It’s Happy Hour
Fernando Alonso, turned away from the launch party for the new Gillette 7-blade razor.
Paul Hembery from the Fleet owners annual awards dinner, for making tires that are deliberately a bit pants, and need replacing all the time.
Pastor Maldonado, from the National Skincare Awards.
Mass from weight watchers: “Felipe, Fernando is fatter than you”
Ant Davidson, from world limbo championships.
Do I REALLY need to explain why?
banned from watching the latest Avengers film at the cinema
because it’s PG and he didn’t bring his parents
Pastor Maldonado from , well anything really because he will crash it any way .And he is really ugly.
Ron Dennis – the local farmyard event – they already have enough bullsh*t
Goodwood Festival of Speed
His F1-ers a breach of the trades’ descriptions act of the event and so he doesn’t spot the engines he should have got are actually in the new NSX (and a natty range hybrid quad-bikes & ride-on lawnmowers).
Cyril Abiteboul (MD RenaultSport F1)
Christian Horner & Geri Haliwell’s wedding
Chris’ gift list asked for more horses, Cyril brought Tesco beefburgers.
Taki Inoue from the annual GT Academy fan club meeting
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Commonplace classic covered by waffly words of wank
Absolutely terrible people robbed of ability to confirm just how fucking awful they are
Ripped Nissan man in clink claim