Pug slugs US comeback over Stateside name-saying situation
Peugeot has cancelled plans to re-enter the US market after deciding that it can’t bear to hear Americans trying to pronounce its name.
“Mon dieu, it is, ‘ow you say, a nightmare,” remarked Peugeot’s clichéd French attributes spokesman, shrugging slightly. “Sacré blue! Why do they think the first syllable rhymes with ‘two’ or ‘poo’?” he continued, twiddling his small moustache and eating a complicated pastry.
“Alors, we could have handled the complete mispronunciation of the first syllable, annoying though it is,” our hackneyed depiction of a spokesman continued, inexplicably playing an accordion while wearing a stripy jumper. “But why do they then add misplaced Gallic flourish to the second syllable, like someone with an impacted palate trying to say ‘Joe’?”
After taking an incredibly long time over lunch and then having an affair, our borderline-offensive fictional spokesman confirmed that, after extensive testing across the United States, Peugeot had concluded that its name was simply unsuitable for American conditions, specifically the condition of Americans being completely unable to say it in a way that isn’t annoying.
“We completely sympathise,” said a spokesman for Jaguar who, for the sake of balance, was wearing a pinstripe suit and a bowler hat and being slightly snooty while unable to talk about his emotions.
“Hey, screw you, we can say Peugeot and Jaguar correctly,” said a spokesperson for America, saying Peugeot and Jaguar incorrectly. “We’re great at needlessly applying French pronunciation in our country such as when we say ‘herbs’, but not ‘New Orleans’ for some reason. What? SHUT UP.”