An update from Dany Bahaha

Posted in Columns by Dany Bahaha on Wednesday, March 13th, 2013

Hello believers.

You have not heard from me for a while. Do not be alarmed. Everything is under control. Naturally, after this period of deliberately minimalist communication you will have some questions. Is The Plan still in place? Does The Bahaha Excellence Automotive Premium Lifestyle Excellentiness Group still operate from room 231 of the Premier Inn at Norwich Airport? Did I, Dany Bahaha, invent scissors? The answer to all of these questions is, yes.

As you may recall, the foul unbelievers at Lotus sought to deny the world the genius of The Plan. They also said some unkind things about my hair. However, I can assure you they underestimated Dany Bahaha and they underestimated my ability to launch six brand new premium excellence lifestyle aspirational heritage brand excellence optimal excellence sports cars all at once. I am capable of this, just as I was capable of writing the song Yesterday. I also played drums on it.

There has been good progress on The Plan. However, that progress is now stalled by funding issues that I am working to resolve. If only the fools at Lotus would give me the money I deserve all would be well. Instead, they refuse to honour this transaction and have told me I am ‘full of shit’. It is to be expected. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. You might remember those words from the film Pulp Fiction. I wrote that. It is originally a quote from The Bible. I wrote that too.

My loyal friends, I need you to help me whilst the vile infidels at Lotus continue to undermine me at every turn and say my hair makes me look like ‘a well kept lesbian’. The financial situation at Bahaha Excellence Automotive Aspirational Lifestyle Heritage Premiumosity Group is in a state of flux and needs some temporary cashflow to ensure smooth running. Without this, Jan the duty manager (Mondays to Thursdays although she sometimes covers Sundays too) says she cannot allow me to remain on the premises. Do not disappoint me, true believers. In return for your donations I will personally arrange for Mickey Rourke and Brian May to come to your house. They are my friends. Friends do not need to return calls.

Keep drinking the Kool-Aid.

L. Ron Bahaha

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