A week with a Jaguar XJR

Posted in DriveL by Richard Porter on Friday, March 14th, 2014

AWWXJR_01Day one: I hear it the XJR arrive. It rumbles. It also looks rather excellent. The current XJ has always had a good front and an interesting back but the sides look a bit slabby. The R fixes that with a set of skirts. Add in the black grille and dark wheels and it’s the business. But the kind of business that might extort money from people.

Go for a quick drive. It feels different to normal XJs, even the old Supersports model. The steering is heavier and the ride is firmer. These could be bad things but they don’t feel like it. It all appears to be very good.

Day two: Some light trundling around London. The XJR’s ride is definitely firm but not to the point of irritation, rattles and a back operation. You’d probably find it fine, unless you’re one of those tweed covered twats who insists all Jaguars look and drive like they’re from 1969.

When I get home a nice lady called Barbara from across the road comes over specifically to say how much she likes the look of the Jag. I borrow quite a few cars in the course of my job. Barbara has never felt motivated to leave her house to have a closer look at any of them. So there you are Jag: If your intention with the subtle but rather excellent XJR styling changes was to attract nice ladies called Barbara, job done.

AWWXJR_02Day three: My wife suggests we ‘go for a drive’. We’re not in our 70s, I promise. But it’s Sunday. We don’t have much on at home. It’s quite sunny out. So we do. Up the motorway and out into the countryside for some light helmsmithery. And here’s what I can report back. For a big car, you can really chuck the R around. At least until you contemplate the prospect of getting into a slither in a car the length of a canal boat. Then you calm down. Even so, the engine is a mighty thing, the auto gearbox is very snappy and it’s good to know if you tweak all the settings you can make this car really quite lively. Although in ‘dynamic’ mode the suspension definitely gets too hard. It doesn’t need it either. In the normal setting it’s firm but there’s the right amount of ‘give’ underneath it, especially at speed. I’m not going to pretend I gave it the full dab of oppo because I didn’t. My wife was in the car, she’s very, very pregnant and I didn’t want to have a crash. But I did have fun. Quite a lot of fun.

Day four: A gentle cruise across London. The XJR is very good at this. It feels comfortable and relaxing. And it has the ultimate luxury of all, aside from heated seats. It has sodding huge reserves of torque. It’s quite nice prowling the streets knowing that if any chancer tries it on in a Boxster, or even certain types of 911, you can smite them with supercharged justice.

Day five: Another day stuck in London. Not that the XJR feels trapped. It seems quite happy. It’s even doing 20mpg according to its own computer which isn’t that bad.

AWWXJR_03Day six: I’m enjoying the XJR enormously but there are a few things that bother me about it. The engine and the chassis seem very well engineered but there’s an underlying crappiness to things like the buttons on the steering wheel and the noise the back doors make when you slam them. The sequenceing of the keyless entry isn’t quite right either, so the locks don’t release until you’re actually pulling on the outside handle which makes it feel like it’s going to come off. When you’re paying over 90 grand for a car, you’ve a right to expect better. Or maybe looking at the car as you approached it, hearing the low rumble as it started and giving it a 543 horsepower bootful would take your mind off these things. I suspect it might.

Day seven: There’s a naughtiness to the XJR that I can’t escape. Although it’s happy with another day in town, part of it seems to be telling me to do a massive burnout or a series of noisy doughnuts. And while walking the dog this morning I spotted the perfect place. A vast, brand new apron of tarmac with not a car, a lamppost or a white line on it. Just a flat, smooth acreage waiting to be smeared with bits of hot Dunlop. Unfortunately, this freshly resurfaced car park is the one outside the local crematorium. So best not.

Goodbye: Bye bye XJR. I used to have an old XJR, one of the V8 ones with the National Trust styling. Technically it wasn’t even close to flawless and yet that didn’t matter because it had charm and presence and a whiff of naughtiness about it. The new one is a much better car in terms of handling and braking and all that technical stuff, but more importantly it’s got the same endearing spirit. I’m sure there are cars that are objectively better than the Jag and there are definitely ones with better dashboard switches and less clunky nav graphics. But subjectively, the XJR is bloody great. It’s a loveable monster and monstrously loveable.

The car talked about here is a Jaguar XJR. It has a supercharged 5-litre V8 making 543 horsepower. Apparently, 0-60 can happen in 4.4 seconds and the top speed is limited to 174mph. It costs £92,370.

17 Responses to “A week with a Jaguar XJR”

  1. Sam Mace says:

    It’s certainly not a car I’d buy life insurance off of or leave alone with my girlfriend for too long.

    I’m also very glad to hear that the Sniff gene will carry on for another generation…

  2. Landyboy says:

    All the modern Land Rovers I’ve tried unlock as soon as your hand touches the inside of the door handle, so the Jags needing movement of the handle before they’ll think about unlocking is a bit of a puzzle. Certainly looks a whole lot more fun than the diesel version.

  3. Sniff Petrol says:

    Most modern systems seem to work on that sort of hand detecting logic, Landyboy. The XJ one feels like it’s broken or you’re breaking it. But it wasn’t a one-off glitch with this test car, they all do that, sir. Strange.

  4. BargeCaptain says:

    The big question is, will it depreciate faster than fish and chips? I hope it does (cos I’d quite like one) and I hope it doesn’t (Because I won’t buy one because it will)

  5. Jennifer Warts says:

    It looks like the reflection of a Volvo in a fairground mirror.
    I’ll be keeping my £92,370.

  6. Graham Coles says:

    I’ve driven one of these crosscountry and they are f—g MIGHTY.

    However the bit from Jaguar about taking on Bentley – Maybe the power,handling nd styling. But not the interior. Please make it better.

    As for depreciation,I have an XKR and was sad to find out that after 8 years I couldinsure it as a ‘classic’, basically because the value had tanked.

  7. Hertz Van Rental says:

    I like the front, but not the back. If I did own one, i’d have to ensure that I only approached it from the front, which I think may become quite tiresome. Especially if you forward parked it. Maybe not.

  8. 3ffdmbwefejwc423v2xzcbfe2chyuwcdbhyuwvsxvdfe8chyuwvsbhkzvanbz

  9. Malorie says:

    Purpose is a huge target from the time you raised your head
    and looked at the following round.

    My web-site :: mini vaporizer weed amazon (Malorie)

  10. Our plastic surgeons each have completed sticks and comprehensive teaching to
    some strict code of integrity.|His acquaintances which makes this acceptance satisfying and specially famous chosen dr.
    |If you should be considering plastic surgery
    be it to please somebody else or since you desire it for yourself think
    about.

  11. I’ve been reading around the whole subject of becoming an influencer for ages now and this is by far
    the best written article I’ve seen.

  12. Our plastic surgeons each have completed considerable coaching and adheres to some rigorous code of integrity.|His peers making this
    identification gratifying and specifically renowned nominated Stevens|Doctor.

    Kalus will generate an all natural search that’ll not be quickly recognizable while the merchandise of cosmetic surgery.

  13. I had gotten a few quotations over the cellphone, but David was the sole plumber prepared to emerge and provide me a free
    in-person estimate.

  14. Once I lost around $350,000 I just wanted to win that
    back.

  15. It is no fringe industry.

  16. Termie Nate says:

    Wake me up before you gogo redo that same fucking front.

  17. Hello,I check your blog named “A week with a Jaguar XJR « Sniff Petrol” daily.Your humoristic style is witty, keep up the good work! And you can look our website about powerful love spells.

Leave a Reply