Archive for the ‘Random cack’ Category

If you like Top Gear but you wish it was a silly book written by Sniff Petrol rather than a silly television programme written by Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May with some shit jokes added by Sniff Petrol then the Big Book of Top Gear 2010 is the answer to your frankly rather weird dreams.

Inside its lavishly tooled pages you’ll find all manner of nonsense about Clarkson’s new exercise DVD, Hammond’s adventures as a 1930s comic book hero and the baffling instruction manual for May’s latest sat-nav system, plus lashings of other toss including an exclusive peek inside the Stig’s house, a look at TG spin offs around the world, and at least seven references to the actor Nigel Havers.

The Big Book of Top Gear 2010 – because let’s face it, it’s nearly Christmas and you’ll be fucked if you don’t buy your brother something soon.

Make with the clickery to order it from Amazon, even though it probably won’t turn up in time. You’ll just have to go to an actual shop. Sorry.

Yes, this is a BUMPER DOUBLE EDITION of Sniff Petrol so click the Next page >> thing below to see the rest of the bulging August issue.

Hello. As you might have noticed, this issue of Sniff Petrol is catastrophically late. As you’re about to discover, this issue of Sniff Petrol is also basically rubbish. Apologies for both of those things. Sniff Petrol has been annoyingly preoccupied with Other Stuff to the extent that yesterday a flock of bees flew past whispering, ‘Wow, and I thought WE were busy…’

Anyway, enough mithering excuses. The May issue is here, ready to kill upwards of 37 seconds of your day, and it comes complete with news that the promised Troy Queef T-shirts are now ready to order. See below for details.

For quickly forgotten reasons probably related to attempting to be more like Stephen Fry, Sniff Petrol has signed up to Twitter and is now burping irrelevant car-related toss of 140 characters or less into the netospace. This seems to have gone down quite well so far, especially the ‘live coverage’ of Grand Prix so why not sign up so that you too can say “Well the lazy fucker hasn’t bothered to write another proper issue, but at least I’ve got some dismally ill-considered sentences on this silly fad feed to keep me going”. Use your clickery skills here to see the Sniff Twat. Sorry, I’ve just realised that last bit actually sounds rather rude.

For reasons that now escape us, but which almost certainly seemed like a good idea at the time, Sniff Petrol has become all modern and set up a Twitter account. So, if you’re an enthusiastic adopter of inexplicable current trends and you want a steady stream of basically utter drivel from this website (in 140 characters or less) then why not become a ‘follower’ of Sniff on Twitter.

You can find our Twittish dribble by performing the customary action upon this differently coloured text. Get in there now before the inevitable writer’s boredom and/or blog-style backlash causes Twit Petrol to become defunct.

Christmas is coming and the goose is getting fat. But not, as it turns out, as fat as the sales of the splendid new Big Book of Top Gear which was written by the bloke behind this website. Not literally behind it. I think directly behind it is just some wires and circuit boards and stuff. If anyone’s feeling handy with a screwdriver they might want to look into that one. Where were we? Oh yes, the Big Book of Top Gear. It’s sort of like Top Gear on the TV, but it’s a book. In other words, it’s not really like Top Gear on the telly although someone on Amazon has called it ‘childish’ in his review so there must be some similarity somewhere.

If you would like to buy this immature and silly book you can find it on Amazon by making with some clickery HERE and thereby help to maintain its current position in the UK top ten best sellers list somewhere between Dawn French, Jamie Oliver and probably some other people who also like pies even more than Sniff Petrol does.

As many Sniff Petrol correspondents, mostly American ones, have noted, this website does not carry advertising. They agree that this is A Good Thing. But hang on a sec. What if you enjoy Sniff Petrol but feel it would be enhanced if at some point in monthly proceedings the weak jokes and poorly Photoshopped pictures were interrupted by shameless attempts to hawk sub-standard goods? Well worry no more because this bit you’re reading now is here to help with some frankly embarrassing attempts to thrust stuff upon you.

Firstly, Sniff Petrol has written a Top Gear spin-off book. It’s called The Big Book of Top Gear and it’s full of mild gaggery, much like the nonsense you find on this website. So much so in fact that some devoted – and frankly mental – hardcore Top Gear fans seem to find it a bit weird. Recommendations don’t come any better than that. You can buy the book from amazon.co.uk

Secondly, a while back Sniff Petrol set up a Facebook Group, quite a lot of people then joined and everything seemed rather jolly. Except that, as it turns out, too many people clicked to become part of the group and as a result it smashed through some faintly unfair Facebook threshold, beyond which you can no longer send a message to each member telling them when a new issue is on line. Turns out if you want to alert a large number of Facebookians about a monthly website update you need to create a ‘Fan Page’ rather than a ‘Group’, so that’s what we’d done. You can join it here. Oh yes.

Finally, and also on a Facebookery theme, someone – not Sniff Petrol – has set up an appreciation page for everyone’s favourite helmsmith hack, Troy Queef. You can join that by applying a dab of clicko here. Funny that no one has set up a Facebook page for Carcoat Damphands.