Archive for the ‘Random cack’ Category

Listen up, television fans. Sniff Petrol‘s mate Big John has made a fantastic new TV series about Stock Car racing and it starts tonight at 10:30pm on BBC1.

The show is called Gears & Tears and it focuses on a real life War Of The Roses between Stock Car’s two dominant dynasties.

It’s got racing! It’s got fighting! It’s got crashes! In a later programme it has a man with the most lurid arse bruise you’ve ever seen.

If you like Sniff Petrol but you wish it was a six part fly-on-the-wall BBC1 documentary about Stock Car racing on Monday nights after the news, you must watch Gears & Tears.

Gears & Tears, BBC1, 10:30 tonight

If you like Top Gear but you wish it was a silly book written by Sniff Petrol rather than a silly television programme written by Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May with some shit jokes added by Sniff Petrol then the Big Book of Top Gear 2010 is the answer to your frankly rather weird dreams.

Inside its lavishly tooled pages you’ll find all manner of nonsense about Clarkson’s new exercise DVD, Hammond’s adventures as a 1930s comic book hero and the baffling instruction manual for May’s latest sat-nav system, plus lashings of other toss including an exclusive peek inside the Stig’s house, a look at TG spin offs around the world, and at least seven references to the actor Nigel Havers.

The Big Book of Top Gear 2010 – because let’s face it, it’s nearly Christmas and you’ll be fucked if you don’t buy your brother something soon.

Make with the clickery to order it from Amazon, even though it probably won’t turn up in time. You’ll just have to go to an actual shop. Sorry.

Yes, this is a BUMPER DOUBLE EDITION of Sniff Petrol so click the Next page >> thing below to see the rest of the bulging August issue.

Hello. As you might have noticed, this issue of Sniff Petrol is catastrophically late. As you’re about to discover, this issue of Sniff Petrol is also basically rubbish. Apologies for both of those things. Sniff Petrol has been annoyingly preoccupied with Other Stuff to the extent that yesterday a flock of bees flew past whispering, ‘Wow, and I thought WE were busy…’

Anyway, enough mithering excuses. The May issue is here, ready to kill upwards of 37 seconds of your day, and it comes complete with news that the promised Troy Queef T-shirts are now ready to order. See below for details.

For quickly forgotten reasons probably related to attempting to be more like Stephen Fry, Sniff Petrol has signed up to Twitter and is now burping irrelevant car-related toss of 140 characters or less into the netospace. This seems to have gone down quite well so far, especially the ‘live coverage’ of Grand Prix so why not sign up so that you too can say “Well the lazy fucker hasn’t bothered to write another proper issue, but at least I’ve got some dismally ill-considered sentences on this silly fad feed to keep me going”. Use your clickery skills here to see the Sniff Twat. Sorry, I’ve just realised that last bit actually sounds rather rude.

For reasons that now escape us, but which almost certainly seemed like a good idea at the time, Sniff Petrol has become all modern and set up a Twitter account. So, if you’re an enthusiastic adopter of inexplicable current trends and you want a steady stream of basically utter drivel from this website (in 140 characters or less) then why not become a ‘follower’ of Sniff on Twitter.

You can find our Twittish dribble by performing the customary action upon this differently coloured text. Get in there now before the inevitable writer’s boredom and/or blog-style backlash causes Twit Petrol to become defunct.

Christmas is coming and the goose is getting fat. But not, as it turns out, as fat as the sales of the splendid new Big Book of Top Gear which was written by the bloke behind this website. Not literally behind it. I think directly behind it is just some wires and circuit boards and stuff. If anyone’s feeling handy with a screwdriver they might want to look into that one. Where were we? Oh yes, the Big Book of Top Gear. It’s sort of like Top Gear on the TV, but it’s a book. In other words, it’s not really like Top Gear on the telly although someone on Amazon has called it ‘childish’ in his review so there must be some similarity somewhere.

If you would like to buy this immature and silly book you can find it on Amazon by making with some clickery HERE and thereby help to maintain its current position in the UK top ten best sellers list somewhere between Dawn French, Jamie Oliver and probably some other people who also like pies even more than Sniff Petrol does.